Santa: Yes, Officer.
Police Officer: Didn't you see the "Speed Limit" sign?
Santa: I did see the sign. I just didn't see you.

Santa: I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman.
Banta: What's stopping you?
Santa: But I don't feel like getting married 3 times. || jokes on santa banta ||

Santa: They say, "Milk gives you strength".
Banta: That's right.
Santa: So I drank 5 glasses & still couldn't move a wall.
I tried 6 shots of vodka & saw the wall move by itself!

Santa rings the fire brigade. He says, "My house is on fire".
Officer: How do we get there?
Santa: In the big red truck.

Santa: Women are like microwaves.
Banta: How? Because they cook food?
Santa: No. Because they are hazardous to our health.

How to identify Students?
1: Stressed
2: Depressed
3: Well Dressed

Pappu: Ma'm, I want to go to the toilet.
Teacher: I want to hear A-Z from you before I let you go.
Pappu: ABCDEFGHIJKLMN_ _QRS_UVWX_Z!
Teacher: Where is P, O, T, Y?
Pappu: In my pant.

Santa: I just wish my wife could look down from Heaven and see me now.
Banta: What are you talking about? She's still alive.
Santa: Exactly, that's why it is a wish!

Pappu: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Santa: I think so. What is it you want me to write?
Pappu: Your name on this report card.

Santa: My wife said to me those words every man dies to hear.
Banta: What did she say?
Santa: I'm leaving you and I'm taking the kids. || jokes on santa banta ||

Santa: How much is my mobile bill?
Call Centre Girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know your Current bill.
Santa: Stupid! I have already paid my electricity bill. I want to know my Mobile bill and not 'Current' bill.

Sign of Changing Times:
Santa to Pappu: Son, Success is when Signature turns into Autograph.
Pappu:
No Dad, Success is when, Signature turns into Black Label!

In the middle of a fight, Santa said, "Let's not quarrel, let's discuss the things sensibly.
"No," said angry Jeeto, "Every time we discuss sensibly, I lose!"

Santa: My wife said, she needed some space in her life.
Banta: So what steps are you taking?
Santa: I agreed and hung 2 "Star Wars" posters in the kitchen.

The three most common lies on the internet:
1. I have read and agreed to the "Terms of Service".
2. Status: Offline.
3. Yes, I am over 18.

Santa: I am 96% Jesus.
Banta: You're conceited.
Santa: I can prove that.
Banta: And how?
Santa: Jesus can walk on water... I can walk on cucumbers... Cucumbers are 96% water... therefore I'm 96% Jesus.

A woman telephoned her local newspaper to let them know that she had just given birth to 18 children.
The reporter didn't quite hear the message and said, "Would you repeat that?"
"Not if I can help it," replied the woman.

Both of my marriages were disasters. My first wife left me. My second one didn't.

Santa was surfing on the net. He got a message, "Page 404 not found".
Santa: There's some virus in my computer.
Pappu: What happened?
Santa: But I wasn't even looking for "Page 404" and they keep showing the message about it.

Q: Why are Egyptian children always confused?
A: Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.

Santa: For husbands, keeping wives happy is a job of our "LEFT HAND".
Banta: So why don't men do it?
Santa: Unfortunately, 95% of men are actually "RIGHT HANDED"! || latest new jokes santa banta ||

Height of addiction:
In a college form, when asked about "PERMANENT ADDRESS", a student wrote "www.facebook.com"!

HUMBLE REQUEST:
He has served us Beer when we were Sad & Happy.
Now he needs our help. Please save Mallya by adopting at least ONE Kingfisher Air Hostess!

Santa: I am fed up of my life.
Banta: Now what happened?
Santa: Everytime I'm about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up!

Doctor: How is your headache now?
Santa: Oh, she is out of town.

After looking at the cheerleaders in Sri Lanka, one really can't blame Ravana for abducting Sita.



facebook