OFFICE ARITHMETIC
.
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Jo dete hai ladki ko tohfe,
Wo late hai unki shaadi me sofe,
.
Jo jate hai unke piche,
Wo aate hai caro ke neeche,
.
Jo kehte hai JAANU,
Wahi bante hai baacho ke MAMU!!!

Son(On Phone) : Maa! aaj hum 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Mother : Sabbash Beta! Ladka hua ya ladki.
Son : Nahi maa! tumhari bahu ne dusri shaadi kar li.

Sardar ne makhi ke legs tod kar kaha, Ja udd ja..
Lekin Makkhi nahi udi, Sr ne kaha..
“Aab to saabit ho gaya ki agar makkhi ke legs tod di jaye
to makkhi sun nahi sakti!!!”

Santa : Banta itni sharab na piya karo, tumhari saanso tak se badbu aati hai.
Yehi haal raha to tumhe nark bhi jagah nahi milegi.
Banta : Don’t worry Santa. Saanse to me yehi chorrkar jaunga!!!

Girl-to-Boy – Aaye bewafe tune sab kuch saaf kar diya,
mera dil jala kar rakh kar diya
Boy-to-Girl – Aye ladki, teri kurbani bekar nahi jayegi,
bhej de rakh mujhe, bartan manjne ke kaam aayegi.

Teacher : Santa batao ‘M’ for kya hota hai?
Santa : Sir, Mother!
Teacher : Right! Aab batao W for kya hota hai?
Santa kuch sochne lagta hai
Teacher : Santa kya soch rahe ho?
Santa : Sir, mein yeh soch raha tha ki Maa ulti kaise ho gayi?

Ek chor Sardar jee k mobile ko lekar bhar raha tha.
Sardar hasne laga
Banta : Wo tumhare mobile ko lekar bhag raha hai aur tum hans rahe ho.
Sardar : Bhagne do, charger to mere paas hai!

Ek din Santa jungle se gujar raha tha
Chudail ne use roka aur kaha : Ho ho ho Ha ha ha…Mein Chudail hu.
Sardar : Menu pata hai…kyunki teri ek behen meri biwi hai!

Ek sarder ne air-hostess se kaha, “Aapki shakal meri biwi
se bahut milti hai”.
Air-hostess ne ye sunte hi zordaar thappad uske muh pe mara…
Sardar foran bola : “Aadat bhi bahut milti hai”

Sardar to doctor: Jab mein sota hu to mere sapne me Live IPL Cricket match ane lagta hai.
Doctor: Koi baat nahi ye medicine sone se pehle kha lena.
Sardar: Kal se khaonga, aaj to final match hai!!!

Sardarni : Lo light chali gayi.
Sardar : Light chali gayi hai to fan chala do.
Sardarni :Lo fir se kar di na sardaro wali baat. Agar fan chalaunga to mombatti bujh nahi jayegi!

Santa : Yaar aaj mein bus ke peeche peecha daudkar 15 rupees bacha liye.
Banta : Kya yaar, tum to bahut murkh ho, agar taxi ke peeche bhagte to 150 rupees bachta!

Santa ne Banta se kaha,”Sabse bada challenge kya hai?”
Banta replied – Answer sheet ko khaali chod do aur last me likh dena,
paas karke dikha.

Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas kata
dekh patni ne pati se kaha – Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas
kha raha hai, namaste karo.
Pati – Namaste Sasur Ji

Ek din Santa ne apni premika ko himmat jutakar keh dala – I love you.
Premika(Gusse se) : Jara pyar se nahi keh sakte?
Santa : I love you Didi!!!!