Aik Molvi sb gaon ki masjid main dars dey rahey they!
rozoon kay badlay Janat main aap ko apni hi biwi hooroon ki sardar ban ker milay gi.
yeh sun ker aik dihati nay pass bethay admi ko kohni mari aur ahista sey us kay kaan main sargoshi ki
"Puter hor rakh rozay"

It is said that Husband is the head of the family,
But
Remember that wife is the Neck of the family.
& the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants. :)

Husband wife watching an IPL match together:
After 5 minutes:

Wife: Is this Bret Lee?
Husband: No, this is Chris Gayle, Bret Lee is a bowler.

Wife: Okay, oh look, another wicket.
Husband: No, this is just a replay of the last one.

Wife: Hmm, looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It's Bangalore vs Mumbai.

Wife: How many runs they need to win now?
Husband: 72 runs in 36 balls.

Wife: Eh! That's easy, just 2 runs in 1 ball.
Husband: *Turns off the TV*

Wife: Turns it on again and starts watching "Daily serial"

Husband: Who is girl here ?
Wife: Don't disturb me please .

A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking
Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..

At The Club:
Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?

Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football With Him

Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything , He's On The Darts Team
In My Local

Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim
Do You Crave Special Again ?

The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..

Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy ,
You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."

Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday

Police Officer: I arrest people, But, when I go home, I'm under house arrest, by Wife

Professor: I give lectures to students, But, when I go home, I get Lectured hourly, by wife

CEO: I'm the Boss, But, when I go home, I always feel like an employee, by wife

Judge: I give Justice, but when I go home, I Beg for Justice, by wife

A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital

Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I've bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.

Man: 0h my God, whats the good
news?

Doctor: I'm kidding, She is Dead... =P =D

Husband : I found Aladin's lamp today. :P
.
Wife : wow, what did u ask for darling ?? :D
.
.
Husband : I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
.
Wife : oh..darling..luv u so much.. :-*
.
Did he do that ??
.
Husband : He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero. :P :P

Woman Buys A New Sim
Card Puts It In Her Phone
And Decides To Surprise Her
Husband Who Is Seated On
The Couch In The Living Room.

She Goes To The Kitchen,
Calls Her Husband With
The New Number:

"Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds
In A Low Tone:

"Let Me Call U Back
Later Honey, The Dumb
Lady Is In The Kitchen.. =P

True saying....
Women never dress up to impress man,

She dress up to irritate other women.

''An Intelligent Wife Is One
Who Makes Sure She Spends
So Much
That
Her Husband
Can't Afford Another
Women" :P

Chess says everything
about husband and wife.
The King has to take things one step at a time,
while the Queen can do whatever she wants.

Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :-
Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
don�t discuss ur problems,
no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.

On the way home..

Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- .No chance for u to survive

A man received message from his neighbour.

Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.

Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.

Few minutes later he received another massage.

Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.

An Angry Wife To
Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where d Hell Are You ... ?"

Husband:
Darling You Remember That
Jewelery Shop Where You Saw
The Diamond Necklace n Totally
Fell In Love With It n I Didn't
Have Money That Time n I said
"Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... " O:)

Wife, With A Smile & Blushing:
Yeah I Remember That My Love !

Husband:
I m In The Pub Just Next To That Shop

A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay.
The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked
"Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?"
She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today..

The story continues....

The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing.
He said your husband has blocked your credit card.
MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband.

Story continues....

Wife took out his husbands credit card from purse
and uses it to clear all the bills.
Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
Moral:...... Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE.

Doctor: sorry , reports got mixed up.
We don't know if your wife has AIDS or Asthma!

husband: What should i do now?

Doctor - Send her 4 jogging,
if she returns, don't sleep with her!

HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle

If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further

M0ral:
always Keep a SPARE TYRE....

If you marry one woman,
She will fight with you.

But, if you marry 2 women,
They will fight for you.

Think different.

Add wife, have life :p

A Husband said to his wife One day

"I don't know how you can be so stupid
&
so beautiful all at the same time"

The wife responded ,
"Allow me to explain,
God made me beautiful
so you would be attracted to me ;

God made me stupid
so I would be attracted to you !"

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Boss hangs a poster in Office
"I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET"
He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk.
"Ur wife called, she wants her poster back home."

A Husband & Wife Were
Arguing Over Some Issue.
After Much Of Discussion,
Wife Finally Said:
"Tell Me Dear ,
Do You Want To Win
OR
Do You Want To Be Happy . . ?

Argument Ended

Man outside phone booth: Excuse me !!
You are holding the phone since 20 mins.
&
haven't spoken a word..!!!
Man inside: I'm talking to my wife

Position of husband is like a split A.C.
No matter how loud he is outside,
but inside the house,
he is designed to remain
silent, cool & controlled by remote.

A line written on a Husband's T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OF THEM..:-P

Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!

Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest
and pease so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor:They are for you.!!

Two Wise Advises for Married Peoples

Never laugh at your wife's choices...
(You are on of them...)

Never be Prouf of Your Choices...
(Your Wife is one of them...)

As per research

A man speaks 25,000 words daily
&
A woman speaks 30,000

Problem starts when husband comes home
from office after consuming his 25,000 words
&
wife starts her 30,000..

Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."

He sent another text,
"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary
at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"

Shetext back, "OMG really?"

Husband replied,
"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!

A famous inspirational speaker said:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
Audience was in shock and silence..
He added: "she was my mother"
A big round of applause & laughter!

A very daring husbnd tried to crack this at home
After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
"Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker

by the time he gained his senses,
he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling water!

Moral: don't copy if u can't paste!



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